Friday, November 27, 2015


Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has released the first outline of future duties and responsibilities for former president Bill Clinton and daughter Chelsea once Mrs. Clinton becomes president.

"Have to also ask mom for France. The
Seine is just insane." 

 Chelsea Clinton, already with her initials scratched into the top drawer of Abraham Lincoln's writing desk when she was previously living in the White House will, pending Congressional approval, become ambassador to Italy, the Vatican and Pappa John's Pizza. When GSR asked Chelsea Clinton's people how she felt about this multi-prong appointment, her people put out the following statement. 

"Chelsea feels that this is the perfect job for her. It brings together many of her finest attributes; a smattering of the Italian language, her love of anything papal and a strong desire to bring Pappa John's specialty pizza, The Works, (beloved by her father) back on the White House Friday night menu."

Tweeting to her 34,456,397 followers, Mrs. Clinton had this to peck away at: "Chelsea has always been the brains behind my policy initiatives while I was Secretary of State. I can't think of another individual with more impressive qualifications necessary to carry out this important assignment.
"Chelsea, want to swap ambassadorships?"

Former president Bill Clinton will also be given an ambassadorship. He, however, will be traveling a little further. Bill has been told to pack his bags and get ready for an eight year stint as ambassador to Easter Island. Although no one on Easter Island has ever heard of the internet, karaoke, Happy Hour or hot grits with tomato gravy, Bill has been assured that he will have open access to the oval office whenever the sun and the Goataurius Minor constellation are in such position to allow radio transmissions to the mainland, 2,368 miles due east.

"It was tough at first," said Mrs. Clinton, "to convince Bill that Easter Island was where he would help me the most. True, you're essentially cut off from the outside world save for the mail plane and Uncle Che-Che's anchovy boat that makes its way to the island about every seven months. And yes, baked albatross is the national dish while the only fish Bill ever eats is catfish. But, when I told him the female to male ratio on the island was 5 to 3, that everyone was pretty much a first cousin of everyone else on the island and that he would be the only American male within 7,749 miles, he jumped at the chance."

However, experts disagree how easy it will be for supposed president Hillary to get her husband's nomination as ambassador to Easter Island through the tough vetting process. Traditionally, the post has gone to seals or scurvy sickened stowaways. However, members of the House and Garden subcommittee on Lascivious Appointments and Erotic Escapades may be hesitant to approve the nomination. We can't think of one reason why. 
Barney Blowhole, current American ambassador to Easter Island.
"No way I'm giving up this cushie post without a fight. I'm going
to boot his ass all the way back to Arkansas."

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