Monday, March 10, 2014

IT'S THE PROTEST COMPANY'S SEMI-ANNUAL "MARCH ON WASHINGTON" 40% OFF SALE

Do you feel it's time to say something? To protest? To strike? To demonstrate? Well, now you can while leaving all the petty logistics and boring pre-planning to others.

Since 1967, The Protest Company (NYSE symbol: TPC) has been supplying the tools, the sweat and the agendas for some of the most significant marches on our nation's capital. From securing adequate parking, to queuing the applause as your ass is hauled off to jail, to passing out goodie bags as your supporters leave D.C. and head home with all those memories, we do it all.


Have a gripe? We’ll take it to the Man.
Feel betrayed? We’ll take it to the Man.
Not feeling it? We’ll take it to the Man.

Whatever your stance, this is the march for you! Don't be deceived by cheap imitators. Our marches use real buses with working toilets, topless women with real tattoos walking up and down the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool carrying signs in support of your cause and we guarantee photo ops with at least two members of Congress  Also, remember that there are always plenty of umbrellas and warm, dry towels back at the bus if it rains!

So come to Washington, tear down the barricades and see what you can do to make a difference in your pathetic little world. And don't forget to pick up your "I Marched on Washington" t-shirt after you've made bail.

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Here are some questions and issues recently brought up on C-Span and/or at Sally's Original Mexicali Restaurant and Bar that you may want to embrace:


Are envelopes getting too expensive?
Is the federal tax code keeping waitresses from making a decent living?
Should toll booth collectors keep extra socks with them?
Why does the FCC only hire men or women?
Is the government dragging its heels on time travel?
Should everyone just shut up about global warming?
Should movie theaters close on one's birthday?
Do you want Obamacare to cover pets?
Should Canada and Mexico switch places?
Is FM in control of the CIA?
Should Richard Nixon run in 2016?

Of course, this is just a list of suggestions. Come up with your own cause and we'll nurture it just like it was one of our own (just leave the Interstate Commerce Commission out of this).
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Elvira chose Platinum and
she's ready to change the
world

 
The Protest Company offers three levels of service guaranteed to complement your sense of commitment and pocketbook:

Our SILVER package includes the following:
  • 10 minute orientation
  • a copy of our DVD, "Civil Disobedience: What To Wear, What To Sing"
  • all the material to make one 2'X3' banner
  • editing of your speech (no longer than 500 words)
  • two protesters who will walk with you (3 city block maximum)
  • name and phone number of a lawyer to help you get out of jail.
  • two rocks (5 oz. maximum) 
All this for $495.00.
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Our GOLD package includes:
  • Round trip bus fare to Washington, D.C.
  • 30 minutes face-to-face with professional speech writer
  • 25 demonstrators for up to 5 hours
  • 3 Molotov cocktails
  • 10 Grateful Dead bandannas
  • a lawyer waiting at central booking to get you out of jail
  • hot and cold lunch sandwiches
  • 20 minute video of your "Day of Rage"
All this for $795.00
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Our PLATINUM  package includes:
  • limousine service to and from your home and Washington, DC. (wet bar extra)
  • 30 minutes face-to-face with professional speech writer
  • complete makeover with Diego Alvarez, Che Guevara's stylist
  • 20 Molotov cocktails
  • 10 all purpose gas masks, Stay-Tight model no. 45HT558
  • 3 look-alike Black Panther body guards
  • One 20' X30' wooden stage fully wired for sound and video
  • 1 ambulance with EMS personnel available 9-5 (1 hour lunch break 12-1)
  • forearm tattoo of either Karl Marx or Groucho Marx
  • 4 Goodyear tires with igniter fluid and matches
  • autographed copy of Quotations From Chairman Mao
  • Buffet lunch for you and 30 demonstrators
  • 30 minute video of your "Day of Rage"
  • 60 minutes to stand before the Supreme Court and argue your position
All this for $1095.00.

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Listen to what others have to say about The Protest Company:

"I was angry but I didn't know what to do. My library would only let me take out 7 books at a time. Now, thanks to The Protest Company, Congress passed the 'Take Out As Many Books As You Want From The Library'  bill. Thanks, and right on!"- Mary Overman, Kalamazoo, Michigan


"Thanks to you guys, I started the  movement for a National Squirrel Day. You guys are the greatest."

- Harry Flutterman, Oceanside, NY


"In the 1980's my records sales really begin to slump. I couldn't get a gig. Then I signed up with The Protest Company and began playing at all their marches. Word got around, my fans came back and now I'm really socking it away into my 401K." - Bob Dylan, Big Pink, Woodstock, NY



"I didn't know where I stood on gay marriage. Then, I took the Silver Plan against gay marriage and two months later, took the same plan for gay marriage. After these two wonderful experiences, including 5 days in jail and a court date in November for inciting to riot, I realize now that love conquers all."  - Esther Lester (formally Eddie Lester), Crooked Neck, Georgia



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Reservations are going fast. A $300 deposit will put you in the thick of things in our nation's capital. Don't be left out of this one, comrade. What are you going to tell your kids about in your old age? The day you brought 12 items to the 10 items or less express checkout line at Shop Rite? 

As a special added bonus, place your deposit by May 1 and we'll include one Port-O-Potty for every 5,000 demonstrators. 






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