PHOENIX OPTICIAN DEVELOPS WORLD’S HIGHEST MAGNIFICATION BINOCULARS – CLEAR VIEWING EXTENDS COMPLETELY AROUND UNIVERSE



Untouched Photo of Man
Using the ChadScope and
Seeing Himself From the Back

Phoenix, Arizona 4:00 AM

Chaz Carmichael, local optician with 2 convenient locations, has told Goat Soup Radio that he has created a new, improved type of binoculars. So called "ChazScopes", these super charged binoculars will allow a person on a clear day (without celestial obstructions) to see clear across the universe and back around again. Toiling for years in anonymity in his basement, living on garbanzo beans and drinking clear, colorless liquids, Dr. Carmichael (not an M.D., but so what?) gave wings to his invention.

In an exclusive conversation with GSR just before closing time at Sally’s Roadhouse Cantina on East Jackson Street, Dr. Carmichael spoke with this reporter.  Initially hesitant, it wasn't until “last call” when this reporter’s date mentioned that she might have some difficulty finding her car. Lifting his head up from the bar and holding two shot glasses up to his eyes, Dr. Carmichael introduced himself and proceeded to tell the story of his marvelous invention, the ChazScope.

Diagram Of ChazScope
Optics From Sally's Roadhouse
 

With the binoculars in his car, this reporter, his date and Dr. Carmichael made haste and left the bar for Sally’s parking lot. Unfortunately, the night was dark and cloudy, allowing one only to view the Armed Forces Recruiting sign across the street. With all three promising to return next Friday when the Farmer’s Almanac calls for clear skies, this reporter will surely enjoy the view.

Editor's Note: Dr. Carmichael arrived at Sally's but sans the ChadScope. However, he says he is working to turn old eyeglass cases into  miniature home defibrillators. Lee Ryman also made it to Sally's. However, his date left word she would be visiting a sick friend and that he should seriously consider therapy.

Editor's Editor's Note: Due to a recent court order, GSR is not at liberty to speak about Dr. Carmichael's you-know-what anymore. All we can say is that his you-know-what was confiscated by government agents without even an IOU.