Sunday, May 26, 2013

IT'S GOAT SOUP RADIO'S 5th ANNUAL MEMORIAL DAY KICK-ASS FIGHT AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING IN 12 EASY STEPS

3:30 pm
Fort Allenby, Antarctica

Each year, Goat Soup Radio presents the best ideas to defeat global warming and keep your beer as cold as the moment you popped the top.

PLAN
FUNCTION
CARBON SAVED/YEAR (TONS)
 
 
 
Reduce length of Long Island Expressway by 8 miles
Saves everybody 16 miles per day driving.
450
Rename Unites States of America to United States of Lush Green Meadows
Greenland was already taken.
Republic of Veggie Burger is under consideration.
2
Get rid of all red stop lights, keep the green and yellow
Less idling but lots of fidgeting. Wear a seat belt and pray.
180
Replace all air in car and truck tires with CO2 from coal burning plants
Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize!
980
Newlywed Rule. Choose baby or air conditioner or car. Have all you want of one category; only one each of other two categories for life.
Example: want 4 air conditioners? Therefore only get 1 car and 1 baby. Infinite number of possible combinations available.
 
300
Do all printing in tiny, tiny font size
Save the tree. Just sit closer to the screen.
400
Replace plastic shopping bags with big hands
Need big hand stem cell research, now!
1200
Vasectomy for all men with shoe size greater than 9 1/2
Reduces carbon footprint of 28% of population .
45
Ban light beer
Light beer is "light" because of added zooplankton, a key nutrient for red tides. 
1020
Toilet paper rolls only dispense 5 sheets per sitting
We'd save billions of trees. Also allows more bathroom stall time per user.
240
Clone the pole
see May 13, 2013 blog
 500
 Hold in farts as long as possible, particularly bovine farts.
 The longer you hold them in the more they break down into harmless water, oxygen and elemental carbon.
 850

WARNING. Selected, edited and posted by professionals. Do not attempt.

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