Monday, September 9, 2013



I treat every goose bump as if it was
my mother's. May God bless her soul.

Hello. My name is Peter Picks and I want to buy your goose bumps. In 1986, after retiring from NASA, I founded the Goose Bump Exchange Company and have brought together thousands of satisfied goose bump sellers and buyers.  I know that once you try us you will become another satisfied customer. However, if for any reason you're not happy, I will personally refund your money, send you one of my wife's cheesecakes and see to it that you're made the next ambassador to Spain. So give us a call and make things happen!


A recent study by the Bill and Melinda Gates Bump Up the Goose Bumps Foundation found that 16% of all adults living west of the Mississippi have GBD (goose bump deficiency) and may not even know it. Wouldn't you like to help someone with GBD and make a little money off their suffering?

Don't you want to help those who, perhaps through family history or some terrible industrial accident can't stimulate the tiny muscles at the base of each hair, known as arrector pili muscles, and therefore can't contract and pull the hair erect? Thus, never to have their hair to stand on end?
Imagine not being able to show the world how stimulated you are by fear, cold, anger or even amazing once-in-a-lifetime-sex?

Here's how it works:

Just call 1-800-SKIN-4U and speak to one of our operators. For a

Our finest goose bumps
shaver with real
mahogany handle.
small handling fee of $4.25 you will receive our patented Goose Bump Extractor Kit. Complete with 2 novacaine filled syringes, gauze pads, beryllium tipped tweezers, your choice of red, green, or our favorite, Indian summer azure colored suture thread and our exclusive goose bump safety shaver. Complete instructions included (presently only in Swedish but we're working on it).

AND, if you act within the next 6 months without haste, forethought or self respect we will send you absolutely free - except for that damned little handling fee, again - our Deluxe Collection Kit. Complete with all the tools, novacaine and instructions to send us every last one of your goose bumps, crocodile tears, bear hugs and twinkle toes, all for top dollar prices.

Our deluxe kit. Your shavings 
will be another's blessings.

Don't be the last of your so-called friends to take advantage of this special offer. Wouldn't you like to have that extra cash throbbing in your pocket, ready to be spent frivolously at a moment's notice? Perhaps on a good pair of cooking mitts?

Call the Goose Bump Exchange today and start feeling better about yourself either tomorrow or whenever the scars heal.

Don't be fooled by imitators. The Goose Bump Exchange has been fully accredited by Sal's Towing Service of Greater Detroit since 1977.

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