Monday, July 7, 2014


In a surprising act of political openness, Hillary Clinton twittered yesterday the future disposition of her daughter, Chelsea and her husband, ex-president Bill Clinton, once Mrs. Clinton is to become president. Chelsea Clinton graduated mangia cum latte from Slippery Rock University and received a master's certification in Northern Italian Cooking. Pending Congressional approval, she will become Ambassador to Italy, Little Italy and Papa John's.
Her husband has been told to pack his bags and get ready for an eight year stint as ambassador to Easter Island. Although no one on Easter Island has ever heard of the internet, karaoke, Happy Hour or Monica Lewinsky, Bill has been assured that he will have open access to the oval office whenever the mail plane finds its way back the island.
Chelsea refuses to switch ambassadorships, but
Bill continues to press the point.

"Chelsea has always been the brains behind my policy initiatives while I was Secretary of State. I can't think of another individual with more impressive qualifications necessary to carry out this important assignment," twittered Mrs. Clinton. Editor's Note: Certain rock stars, hedge fund managers and all around hotties are allowed to go beyond the 140 character limitation that most of us have to deal with. Unfair!

When GSR asked Chelsea Clinton's people how she felt about the appointment, her people put out the following statement. "Chelsea feels that this is the perfect job for her. It brings together many of her finest attributes: a smattering of the Italian language, her love of anything papal and a strong desire to bring northern Italian cooking back to network television."
Waiting for Ambassador Clinton.

However, experts disagree how easy it will be for Hilary to get her husband's nomination as ambassador to Easter Island through the tough vetting process. Traditionally, the post has gone to ax murderers, Kim Kardashian look-a-likes or stowaways. However, with a native female to giant stone monolith ratio of 3 to 1, members of the House and Garden subcommittee on Lascivious Appointments may be hesitant to approve the nomination.

"It was tough at first," said Mrs. Clinton, "to convince Bill that Easter Island was where he would help me the most. True, you're essentially cut off from the outside world save for an anchovy boat that makes its way to the island about every seven months. And yes, baked albatross is the national dish. But, when I told him La Nina was predicted to make landfall, he rose to the occasion as he always does. He'd also like to meet La Nina's mom."

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