Monday, January 26, 2015

DEMOCRATS MOVE 2016 CONVENTION TO PENNSYLVANIA NUDIST COLONY

"We want to show the American people just how concerned we are about climate change and global warming."


Democratic National Headquarters, Washington, DC.
The Democratic Party is getting very serious about global warming. By a unanimous show of Affordable Care Act health insurance cards, the DNC executive body has elected to hold the 2016 Democratic National Convention at Bob and Sarah's Happy Meadows Nudist Colony in Mahopac, Pennsylvania.
The Spence family has already
been hit hard by global warming
Chosen over Up-The-Minimum-Wage, California, Have-Your-Out-Of-Wedlock- Baby-Here, New Jersey and Smoke-Pot- Smoke-Pot, Tennessee, the move is intended as a wake up call to all Americans that global warming is not just about melting a few glaciers and rising sea levels but, as estimated in 20 to 30 years, it will become so hot that most Americans will be going around in their birthday suits (Crocs optional).


“We knew,"  said DNC co-chairperson, Belinda "Chesty" Lowenstein, "that our slogan for 2016, ’We just don't say things, we shake things’, would capture the hearts and minds of the American public. And what better way is there to beat the summer heat with 30,000 conventioneers than to let off a little steam playing volleyball au natural while at the same time making a convincing statement about global warming, immigration reform, jobs and the economy? Besides, this will make it much easier for the networks to hear all the unfettered farting going on, another significant ingredient of global warming."

"Yes, we had other platform issues for 2016", said Ms. Lowenstein, "But our pollsters kept hearing the same question, 'when are we going to see the real Hillary Clinton'? The answer to that question will have to wait until the night of her much anticipated acceptance speech. However, upon hearing that the 2016 convention would be held at Bob and Sarah's Happy Meadow Nudist Colony, Mrs.Clinton made it quickly known that she would be attending the convention from day one and bringing her favorite flip flops. 
Part of the 2016 Illinois Delegation getting
ready to take it to the floor of the convention.
Tweeting out to her 98,457,937 followers, Mrs. Clinton noted that Bob and Sarah had been long time supporters of both Democratic ideals and skinny dipping. She followed that with her 46,698th tweet of the day saying that delivering her acceptance speech unclothed behind the specially constructed clear Plexiglas podium would combine many of the best causes of the Democratic Party such as government transparency, whistle blowing and the Freedom of All The Raunchy Information You Can Get Act. Rumors have it that her husband has reserved Bob and Sarah's private hot springs Jacuzzi for the entire week.

In a double secret Democratic Party memorandum, emailed to all attending delegates, party leaders gave a list of what to bring and what to leave home:

  1. Bring plenty of suntan lotion, reading material and one of those little plastic hand held battery operated fans that spin around and around.
  2. No dogs, no cats and especially no ant farms.
  3. If you are a lascivious, horny, creepy old delegate bring a pair of dark sunglasses so no one will see you staring at everybody.
  4. Waving of anything but the American flag will not be permitted.
  5. If you have any food allergies, don't come. Who wants to see some middle aged woman or especially man with gross red splotches all over their body?
  6. Don't spread germs! Bring a towel to sit on. The last thing we need is 30,000 people with blistering, brawny butt boils.
  7. If you bring a wide brimmed hat to cover up anything but your head, you will be asked to leave.
  8. If you're a hot looking female delegate with fake boobs, please make your room reservations for the Raccoon Lodge (that's where I'm staying).
  9. Telescopes, binoculars and periscopes must be left at home. Once on the premises, only squinting, neck straining and two per day so-called accidental tripping into someone will be permitted.
  10. Anyone bringing a pollster longer than 9 inches must sit with their legs crossed while watching the volleyball matches.

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