Monday, August 12, 2013


 The next time you catch a cold, take an aspirin. Just don't blame those tiny, defenseless creatures that everyone thinks are so bad for you.
Kiss me, hug me, thrill me

The germ theory of disease, developed in the 1800's, particularly in France and Germany (which tells you a lot already) states that microorganisms which are too small to be seen without the aid of a microscope, can invade the body and cause certain diseases. Western medicine has, to now, taken this theory as gospel. Editor's note: For a very important discussion of the germ theory and the bible, please see paragraph 6.

Writing in Modern Science and Goat, M.I.T scientists, along with two highly regarded shamans from the Tijuku region of  Mongolia have challenged the germ theory with some very elegant research. Looking at thousands of hospital records from the Great Michael Jackson Desert Sands Hospital in the country's capital of Mongolia and hundreds of camel feces samples generously donated by the Wag The Dog and Hug Your Yak Veterinary Hospital, also in Mongolia's capital, the results were at first hard to believe.
For two points: The capital of Mongolia is:
  1. Ulan Bator
  2. Hoochie Coochie
  3. Louie, Louie
  4. Help Me, Help Me
Polygamist John Steed and his 5 wives.
Seven years without even a sniffle.

"Mind blowing," said Dr.Tern N. Koff, lead scientist at the school's Genomic Research With Very Strange Collaborator's Institute. "Once in a trance, our shaman colleagues, Urk and Furk explained to us that the tendency to contract a disease is only a matter of whether you were ever reincarnated as a Venus fly trap and how many wives you have."

Dr. Koff composed himself and continued. "It appears those bible thumping fundamentalists had it right all along. For in the bible, Nathan 22:12 says, "Behold Nate, can I call you Nate?  I will make this covenant with you, with your sons, your son's sons and your sunny son son's. That I have smitten the germ theory and it now lies with Lucifer among the fire and brimstone and single use plastic grocery bags."

A brilliant experiment and a
beautiful wedding (for 39)

To confirm their findings, MIT scientists had 12 very dorky male MIT engineering students marry 27 very, very dorky female Mount Holyoke fine arts students. None of the male students came down with the plague, although a few did have their acne clear up.

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