Monday, August 19, 2013


The statistics are startling.
 The American Restaurant Association says that 12% of all people finish their main course in restaurants by licking their plates clean. The ASPCA in 2006 (the last time the survey was conducted) said that 33% of all dog owners give their pet dogs a little tongue at least once per month and a  joint study between Brown University's School of Economics and the Foundation for Sexual Advancement and Trysts found a strong, positive correlation between those landing their first job after college and oral sex. 
An ounce of prevention is worth
6 inches of bad tongue.

Shakespeare, who hasn't written a single word in over 250 years, said our eyes are the windows to the world and our tongues, the 24/ 7 conveyor belt. Words never more true today.

Connie Lingis: Miss Brush Your
Tongue 2012
 In 1998, when President William Jefferson Clinton signed the proclamation naming September, Brush Your Tongue Awareness Month, it signaled a new beginning in the fight to make Americans sit up and take notice as to just where they are putting their tongues and what to do about it afterward.

Remember: there is no 'morning after' tongue pill.

Since that historic signing, September has become the time to look back over the past year and take inventory. The People for the Advancement of Warm, Wet Tongues have offered these 6 warning signs of the dreaded Tongue Abandonment Syndrome.

  1. Do you know how to say the word tongue in more than 4 languages?
  2. Do you wake up more than 3 days per week not knowing where your tongue has been?
  3. Do six tongues make a right?
  4. Is your only goal in life to be able to tie a cherry stem in a knot with just your tongue?
  5. Do you find yourself short of breath while reading American Lollipop Magazine?  
  6. Do you find it difficult to hold a toothbrush in one hand and your Johnson in the other?

If you can answer yes to at least two of these questions, then all is lost. But, if you can answer one of these questions in the affirmative, there is hope. Call the number at the bottom of your screen, get ready, ask for Cherry and have your credit card ready.


10 points. In paragraph 5, what does the author mean by the underlined phrase, "your Johnson in the other?"
  1. I think Johnson is slang for a tube of toothpaste
  2.  Was the author friends with The Rock, Dwayne Johnson?
  3. Was this really an SAT question?
  4. Do you think if I ask Hillary, she'd know?
  5. I'm a girl, I don't have a Johnson.


The first French kiss took place October 15, 1772 between two French Canadians,  Jacques 'Le Tool' Baguette and Francoise "Half a Franc" Cuisine in Montreal, Canada. Thus the term, French Canadian kissing. This was very quickly dropped (thankfully) because it sounded like two cars in Montreal slamming into each other, even back then. The shorter term, French kissing was soon adopted. Eyewitness accounts at the time say that Francoise thought about it afterwards and soon joined a nunnery. Two years later she established the first North American Order of the Sisters of the Immaculate Tongues.
EDITOR'S NOTE: For GSR's 2013 position paper on U.S. Canadian Relations see:


The first minty flavored mouth wash with 'just a drop' of crow's blood was invented October 16, 1772 in Montreal, Canada.  

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