Monday, October 14, 2013


Nit (R) and Pick (L). Now in the
Hosiery Protection Program.
We are a small but growing group of volunteers spread throughout the United States and Texas that look to help and, if necessary, rescue, smelly and worn out socks. We are dedicated to having them washed, repaired, brought back together with their matching partner, or finding them a new home altogether.
 Note: In certain special circumstances we will occasionally buy the sock(s) from the owner, but only in accordance with international laws dealing with worn and smelly sock trafficking.

In addition, we educate the public through handouts, lectures, social media, skywriting and fake socknappings (don't tell anyone). We are not a 501c charity registered with the IRS so we can spend lavishly on personal gifts, sexual escapades and all the beer we can drink.

  • 1 in 10 socks that are worn and smelly won't make it to their 1st birthday.
    Yes, we help even the little ones.
  • Today, darning surgery has a 98% success rate.
  • We have volunteers throughout the world.
  • If you possess worn and smelly socks there is a support group near you.
  • The Center for Diseased Sock Control (CDSC) estimates that every minute 78 socks are stabbed and punctured by big ugly toenails.
  • Become a community volunteer.
  • A smelly sock is just looking for the right guidance.

Just a short hop to freedom.

Hic (bottom of pic)) and Cup (top of pic) were the envy of all the other hosiery in the drawer. But, after 5 months of constant wear and warm water washings, they just weren't themselves anymore.
But, we ask, did they deserve to be thrown away, or worse, turned into some under-the- sink rag? The Worn and Smelly Socks Rescue Alliance doesn't think so. We say, Hic and Cup deserve better; to spend their last days together, to be taken care of and to live their last years with dignity.

WON'T YOU HELP HIC AND CUP? For a monthly donation of just $14.95, Hic and Cup will receive weekly cold water washes, priority seating in the sock drawer and unlimited darning. As well, you will receive periodic updates on how Hic and Cup are doing, along with any lint that the two retirees might shed.

So get out your credit card and fill in the donation form at the bottom of this page. However, if you later find that all of your money in all of your bank accounts have been sent to a Yuri Gratozny in Uzbekistan, and that your credit history is now for shit, please understand that it is just a clerical error and we will get right on it.


No comments:

Post a Comment