Monday, October 28, 2013


Moving into its 12th day, the standoff between National Park Rangers and the flora and fauna of Glacier National Park continued with no end in sight. As the government shutdown came to an end October 16 and federal workers headed back to their jobs, the park rangers assigned to the million plus acres of Glacier National Park in Montana were met with a big surprise.

Standing, sitting, flying, soaring or just planted, 28 representatives of the more than 20,000 species of plants, animals and insects living in Glacier National Park would not allow the rangers entry. Holding placards reading, "The Best 13 Days of Our Lives", "Give Us a Little Peace and Quiet", and "Pure Nature 24/7", while others simply held their ground roaring, crying, screeching, howling or buzzing.
"We were here first and
we know our rights."

When told to let the rangers pass, elected spokesanimal, Theodore "Chick" Owlsey III, had this to say,
"Sorry guys, we're not budging. These past two weeks, it was quiet and peaceful. No one staring at us while we pooped, no car pollution, no loud radios and no one standing over our shoulder looking to see what we're up to. So, we're taking back the park. We don't need your human fiddling in our affairs. Now just leave us alone and go back to your cities. That's all we have to say."

Faced with such opposition, the rangers have set up a negotiation team that has been trying to talk to the denizens of Glacier National Park in the hope of reaching a compromise. However, the protesters have dug in their hoofs, roots, talons, claws, legs and fins and show no sign of giving in. Taking turns at the various entryways into the park, the protesters seem to be in it for the long haul. Food is plentiful, spirits are high and as the park reverts to it's natural state without human intervention it will become more and more difficult for the rangers to search for the ring leaders.
The 5 day old turtle naval blockade.

"Our greatest fear is that other parks hear of this and join the standoff in sympathy", said Interior Department spokesperson, Robert Hume Ann. "To be honest," he said, "we didn't fight the Indians to give it all back to a couple of nature loving trout, The Secretary of the Interior will allow negotiations to go on for so long and then we will take back the park using any means necessary."

GSR's nature correspondent and one time contestant on Wheel of Fortune, Pesca Torre, secretly gained access to the park in the guise of  a wild turnip on October 20. She reported, "Steve, it's very organized in here. You can't go five feet without some Western Mountain Tree Frog asking to see ID. Thousands of worker honey bees have taken to the air. They've made the entire sky above Glacier Park a "no fly zone", save for emergency bald eagles doing reconnaissance and flying squirrels delivering food to the protesters. Great White Owls and deer stand night watch and fire ants are ready to march at a moments notice."
"We've taken back the park from the
Man and now it's ours"

As the protesters faced off with the big brained brutish bipeds, tempers have frayed. Unconfirmed reports have it that one ranger at the main gate suddenly tore off his clothes and ran into the park, flailing his arms and yelling, "I'm with you, my little friends." He was last seen on all fours collecting acorns in preparation for winter hibernation.

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