Monday, December 23, 2013


While seeing green I'm just a driving machine.
When the hue is yellow, I'm moving, oh, so mellow.
With red it's stop, or face a cop.
But look, here's pink. Let's go have a drink.
               - Wilma Whizbang, My Mommy is a Good Driver (2009)

Detroit, Canada's newest city (see international land deal) is fast becoming a very happy place. The Detroit City Council (not to be confused with the Detroit City Annihilators, famed female roller derby team) in an effort to make the city more friendly has added a fourth colored light, pink, to all of its traffic lights. The pink light is being phased in over the next six months. For now, drivers in Detroit can either treat the pink light as red or, begin right away to follow the new law and use those four pink seconds to open their window, stick out their hand and smile and wave "hello" to anyone or anything they see. Once the four seconds pass, the light will turn green and the driver may continue on his or her way.

"Don't Stink, Use The Pink"
Intersection of  Loosey and Goosey Aves.

"We had to do something," said Councilperson Esther Lester. "With our financial woes and now having to speak French ever since becoming Canadian, we needed to change the "De" in Detroit to a "We" in Detroit. Mandating the simple pleasantry of saying hello to the person driving next to you was, we feel, a step in the right direction. Getting out of the car and singing acapella would have been preferable, but this is Detroit after all. Of course, when the temperature drops below -12 degrees, all you need to do is honk twice and give the "thumbs up".

Ruby Begonia knows the law. "Morning, neighbor!"

Colby, Georgia first began adding pink back in 2005. There, they had the opposite problem. Everyone was so courteous, always waving hello and stopping to chat that nothing was ever getting done in the town. To even things out, the pink light law was enacted to use that time for convivial demonstrations and therefore get all Colbians (as they call themselves) back to business uninterrupted. It was such a success that now, each time someone comes to a stop sign in Colby they either have to get out of their car and rotate the tires of the driver's car behind them or swear off sex and alcohol and join a nunnery.

Who says you can't legislate happiness?

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