Mary Shelley. Class of 2016
"I was a history major studying the Renaissance. But then, one day, I realized that all those people were dead. You would think that my advisor would have told me. Well, I soon transferred into the Life Sciences Department and now I'm creating life forms left and right. Screw Da Vinci."
Donny Deadman. Class 2015
One of the bright spots in this economy is the job outlook for those with degrees in the life sciences. Central Kansas University has begun a $22 billion modern expansion of its 24-hour food court and life sciences program under the direction of Mary Wollstonecraft, PhD. This brilliant but deeply misguided scientist is the recipient of many awards including the 1999, "From Dust to Dermis" award by the American Spontaneous Generation Society and, for five years running, the National Institute of Health's "Charlatan of the Year" award.The life sciences program has as its goal, to give students the working ability to make living things out of lifeless goop, mud, junk, garbage or anything else that looks and smells disgusting.
|A LICKU creation roaming the campus.|
Pink is in this year.
The following list of courses are typical electives offered to life science undergrads at the Life Institute of Central Kansas University (LICK-U).:
- Of Course, the Chicken Came First
- Moving a Dead Fly From Point A to Point B Without Anyone Noticing
- Getting Your Creature to Wink Using 500 Volts of Electricity
- Making Roadkill Your Friend
- Mud to Mice in 12 Weeks (includes 2 hour lab Tuesdays and Thursdays)
- Creating Your First Working Genital-Urinary System: What To Expect, What to Void
- Avoiding Peer Reviewed Journals
- Neuroanatomy With String, a Glue Gun and Two Paperclips
- Introduction to Getting Your Creature Not to Poop on the Carpet
- Self-Cloning: Does the World Really Need Another You?
- Early Language Development in Monsters (by permission of the instructor)
- Monster Ecology
LICKU: It's Where Life Begins and So Does the Party.