Monday, April 21, 2014


Average time to read article:  5.4 minutes.
After reading this article you will:
  • Be able to ask for a refill in five languages even with a blood alcohol level of 3.2. 
  • Understand the definition of the term, "really wicked pee".
  • Be somewhat aware of the location of your kidneys.
  • Understand the difference between foam and froth.
  • Know how to bring up the word "parched" in any conversation.
  • Clearly know how many 8 oz.glasses of draft beer will end in 2.5 liters of you know what.
  • Be able to sit at a bar and pace yourself for the next six hours.
    Reduced fluid intake can lead to the
    dreaded frosted icing skin disease.
When out with your friends it is important to keep up. No one wants to be sipping a diet Sprite while all around them friends and acquaintances are having a good time downing cold draft beers, munching on free finger food during happy hour and meeting hot chicks.
Yes, it's important to be good looking, have an outgoing personality and smell like the inside of a new car. However, there's no sense in sitting at the "big boys table" if you can't empty that glass and slap it down on the bar like you know what your're doing.

Fluid intake is everything. Being thirsty is only a state of a mind. Just like we only use 20% of our brain, our kidneys are normally only worked to 30% capacity! Everyone has the ability to increase their fluid intake, triple it, in fact. Remember, just like a muscle wastes away from disuse, so can your kidneys, especially the right kidney (don't worry, I just made that up). And, likewise, exercising your kidneys by gradually increasing your drinking habits (fluid intake) will get your kidneys into tip-top shape, ready at a moment's notice to do some serious bar hopping.

Do you suffer from UE (urinal envy)? Aside from impressing chicks and friends with your drinking prowess, we all know that where it really counts is in the john. How many times have you stood next to some skinny, five foot tall, long haired a-hole waiting to see who could put out the longest stream only to be knocked out of the running after less than a minute? And then, even after you're at the sink, he's still not finished? How inadequate does that make you feel?
Why didn't she listen?

You need to get in the habit of not counting your beers, just enjoy them. Yes, you can pace yourself without anybody noticing but where's the fun in that? Instead, talk to your doctor...on second thought, don't.
This is just one of those problems that are better left unmentioned. If you can only handle six beers at a time, keep it to yourself.

Helpful Tips:
  • Have a glass of beer before and after each of your meals.
  • Set your smart phone alarm on vibrate to remind you to have the next beer.
  • Make a goal to drink at least 42 ounces of beer per hour and try to reach it.
  • Keep a beer diary of how many times you had to pay for the next round.
  • In winter keep a six pack in the back of your pickup under your jumper cables. 
  • Find your inner you...whenever you feel that you've had enough to drink, go for one more.
  • If you work in a hot/dry environment such as a cattle barn, take as many breaks as you need to maintain your fluid intake. 
  • Have a drinking problem? First try using a larger glass.

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