Monday, April 7, 2014


Goat Soup Radio (GSR) and the Biggest Loudest Online Writers School (BLOWS) will be offering a four week course on screenwriting. Why be stuck in a deadend job when you can sit by the pool at the famous Tulip Hotel in celebrity filled Hollywood, dictate your next blockbuster script, sip margaritas and have stars and starlets wanting to be your best friend? 

Don’t be a putz and allow this amazing opportunity to slip away. This course is only offered after significant solar flares and if you order now you will receive at no extra charge our two hour online course, “Avoiding Friends And Family Members That Are Constantly Asking You For Money”.

Meet Vinca, BLOWS graduate (top row, center) hanging
out with Hollywood's elite.

Between worrying about your next car payment and that lump behind your right knee, do you have that kernel of an idea that is just screaming to be put up on the silver screen? Here’s what “Easy Screenwriting, Easy Bucks” will do for you:

  • Introduce you to the four parts of a commercial movie -- the coming attractions, the plea to turn off your cell phone, two hours of people being shot, chased by vampires, or having sex and stupid endings that really work!
  • Learn how to turn off Caps Lock.
  • Use proven relaxation methods to free your mind such as directing traffic at busy intersections, sticking a pencil far enough up your nose to release any excess cerebral-spinal fluid and (something we do a lot of at Goat Soup) having just enough beers to numb your fingertips but not enough to cause parkinsonian-like shakes.
  • Ready your script to take to all the big movie companies, split the profits between GSR and BLOWS and leave you with just enough money to support your new cocaine habit.

“Easy Screenwriting, Easy Bucks” has been purchased by many of Hollywood’s biggest writers, some over six feet tall! True, not one of these scripts has ever been made into a movie but we’re pretty sure you have what it takes. Don’t have a computer? No problemo. For an additional $350 BLOWS will send you a genuine wireless mouse to begin gathering all the equipment you will need to get online and further promote your sorry, pathetic, unrealistic dreams.


Tuition is just $495 and here's what you get:

  1. Our award winning, incredibly stupid, four part course, “Easy Screenwriting, Easy Bucks”.
  2. The accompanying booklet, “How to phone Nigeria direct to get my money back”.
  3. 10 minutes of face-to-face web chat with Esther Lester, second cousin to Vinnie Stupia, who likes going to the movies.
  4. Two Forever stamps to mail your script to Warner Brothers Studios.
  5. An expired $10 coupon to Bed, Bath and Beyond.
  6. Our one size fits all unless you're a munchkin, “Would You Call Someone in the Movie Business For Me?” tee-shirt.

But, be forewarned. Writing is not for everybody. Many a student has taken up the challenge only to be thwarted by words, periods and 20 lb. multipurpose paper. 
Ponder the case of Mary Marbles. Miss Mary was a good girl. A girl with a dream. True, she did have three convictions for armed robbery, but that was all in the past. Living in her halfway house one day she decided to put paper to pen. When that didn't work she tried pen to paper. Success! It was here that the words flowed, flowered but then floundered. Mary soon felt she didn't have what it takes. Perhaps this wasn't her calling. Perhaps she was fated, like all bad girls, for the nunnery. 
And, like so many before her, she didn't know where to turn for solace, guidance and a good fleecing.

Then, one day she heard a voice whisper in her ear, "It blows". At first, she began a rewrite of Moby Dick. But then, hearing about the Biggest Loudest Online Writing School, Mary sent in her application and all the food money she had left to feed her severely undernourished little sister. Mary studied real hard and soon began to take charge of her life. And, although Mary's little sister didn't make it and Mary is now collecting shopping carts at Trader Joe's, she still has her dream to become a Hollywood hack, no matter how unattainable that dream may be.

Das Ende.

Just go to and begin typing today!

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