Monday, February 10, 2014

THIS VALENTINE'S DAY GIVE A PIECE OF YOUR HEART

Since 1982, the Cardiac Catheterization and Rip The Guts Right Out Center at The Great Michael Jackson Sands Hospital has offered special Valentine's Day rates for those wishing to give the very best. Imagine your loved ones surprise while they're thinking chocolates or flowers and you present them with a piece of your heart?
"My girlfriend is going to love
this. And with Groupon  I
 saved an additional 20%."

Under the direction of Dr.Twoski Brewski, world renowned mixologist and almost board certified surgeon, those wishing to have a piece of their aorta removed, copper plated and beautifully gift wrapped, can now do so at the incredible low, low price of just $4,556.99. Taxes, medical waste pick up and confinement to a nursing home after 90 days extra. Don't have the cash? No problemo! Dr. Brewski accepts pure heroin, sexual favors and stolen credit card numbers in batches of 20. Still can't come up with the do-re-mi? There's always Obamacare.

Using minimally invasive procedures that Dr. Brewski picked up while working at Gooch's Greater Detroit Towing Service, blood loss is kept to a minimum, you don't have to use your real name, and infection rates are less than 95%!

Don't wait until it's too late to book your operating room time and you find yourself saying, "aorta have called earlier." 

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity (Dr. Brewski may be losing her medical license real soon and your lifetime could be cut real short). So, while you're sitting on your bar stool counting the hours down to Valentine's Day with nothing to show for it, download the Great Michael Jackson Hospital surgical consent form. Just be sure to initial the paragraph that says that you are easily the craziest son of a bitch this side of Patagonia for consenting to this procedure and that right after recovery, if you recover, you will immediately have yourself committed.

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In an exclusive interview with GSR,  Dr.Brewski sat down with us to talk about this very special gift offering.

GSR. Tell us about the procedure, Dr. Brewski.

Brewski.  I noticed one day that they we were selling heart shaped medallions in the hospital gift shop.Well, I thought to myself, why not sell the real thing? I've always been very entrepreneurial.

GSR.  And did The Great Michael Jackson go for the idea right away?

Brewski.  Oh, no. They were concerned at first about removing part of the heart which might lead  to complications. Well, I assured them that the ancient Incas would remove a man's heart with very crude instruments and still the guy would be kicking and jumping around for a few minutes and that modern medicine has made some great strides since then.

GSR   Have there been any complications?

Brewski.  Only once when I accidentally removed a woman's larynx instead of her aorta. But, she was always very introverted so it didn't seem like much of a change.

GSR.  Any other holiday specials coming up?

Brewski. We always get a lot of requests for our frontal lobe flag pole insertion procedure around July 4th.



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Editor's Note:  The full version of this interview can be found at www.wannabuyabridge?.com

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