Monday, April 8, 2013

GOAT SOUP RADIO MAKES OFFER FOR THE ONION


Lee (l)  Steve (r)
Phoenix, Arizona. 1:00pm.
Goat Soup Radio has made  an unsolicited US $22.4 billion bid for The Onion. In a surprise move that has shaken Wall Street to it's core, up-ended the Japanese Nikkei and caused miniature chihuahuas throughout the world to fart uncontrollably, this is a move that has surprised all but the nayest of nay-sayers.

The Onion, the largest source of news and pollen counts, never saw this coming. Goat Soup Radio has been on the air for only 4 days without any comments, links or followings and it still wants a place at the table with the big boys.  How can they be so bold?

Steve Ryman, capitalism's bad boy and co-owner of  GSRadio had this to say:  "We always like to strike when the broom is hot. Management will, of course, have to go. In regards to the employees of The Onion, anyone with 10 years vested in the company and that has a hot looking sister can rest assured that their job is safe."

Later that day, GSRadio managed to speak briefly with Lee "the tree" Ryman. "We'd like to see it all in cash. If necessary we'd take stocks and imported Australian Lager. Also, I've always been more flexible than my brother. It could be a cousin."
Editor's note: Lee was a little confused here.


2 comments:

  1. Did the writer really go to Brown university?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For sure. Freshman year and that was that.

      Delete